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Last Updated on March 23, 2023
Welcome to the Success With Soul podcast! Today we’re sharing Part 3 of our Incubator mastermind call. When you actually think about what matters to you, most often work is not first on the list. So how does it become the thing that so often consumes all of our time and energy? In this short coaching call, we address how the cycle of self doubt and busting it with truly knowing our self worth can help us re-prioritize our life’s priorities.
Table of Contents
When you really stop and think about your life’s priorities, where does your work and business fall in that list? This is a theme that I, my clients, and probably any woman building her own business will work through at some point.
We put a lot of ourselves into our work. Because we are building something from the ground up, it is natural to invest a lot of who we are into our businesses.
Plus, I encourage my clients all the time to communicate honestly and be transparent in the way they communicate in their businesses because their potential customers usually connect to and respect that vulnerability.
But there is a line between working to build a business that we care about with vulnerability and authenticity…and falling into a cycle of thinking, “I am my work.”
When I order my life’s priorities, my work and business are not #1 on that list. Yet there have been times when my boundaries and where my time was going did not reflect that fact. I am sure many of you can relate to the struggle of balancing work and your personal life.
But an even deeper issue for many of us isn’t just managing that balance – it is the mindset that we start to adopt about who we are when it comes to our life’s priorities.
And when I think about who I am, there are so many other words I use to describe myself besides “entrepreneur” or “business owner”: I am a mother to two amazing children, a wife and life partner to my college sweetheart, a daughter to two incredible parents, a friend to so many unique people, a foodie, a college football enthusiast…you get the picture. 😉
So how do we get sucked into this cycle of putting work over our other life’s priorities? And more importantly, how do we start basing our value and worth based on our business?
Because our culture is so focused on achievement and accomplishments, we measure success by job title and salary. So especially for someone building a new business, these metrics for success can trip us up.
Sometimes you don’t start making money right away, or it can take a while for a new business owner to make a consistent income. Plus, some of us don’t exactly know what our “job title” really is or how to explain what we do to other people.
So we start to measure our success and our worth based on the tangible results that we can measure, like email open rates, click rates, buyer numbers, etc.
But what happens when those numbers aren’t what we want them to be? And what do we do when we receive critical feedback that influences how we see not only our business, but our own self worth?
It is so easy to fall into a cycle of self doubt, especially if we see metrics that make us feel like we are failing. Instead of seeing the glass half full, we are prone to seeing it half empty. When our goal was to have ten clients and we have four, instead of celebrating those four clients, we feel like we have failed because we didn’t meet our goal.
On top of that, we all have the thought, “But what are people going to say or think?” And when it comes to business, a few too many of us have received unsolicited thoughts from others about what we are offering.
“That’s too expensive.”
“I can just watch a Youtube video to learn how to do that.”
And what’s worse, even if no one actually criticizes your work, you are probably already anticipating these criticisms!
All of these things – unmet goals, others’ criticisms, and anticipating criticism – cause us to get caught in a cycle of self doubt that for many eventually leads to an identity crisis.
But what do we do when someone says “no” to what we are offering? Rejection from just one person can impact our momentum. Trust me, I was a freelance journalist for many years before starting my own business, and about 90% of my job was pitching stories to editors. I heard “no” all. day. long. I know what rejection after rejection feels like.
What I had to realize was that nobody was rejecting me. In most cases, other factors like timing and budget were the cause for the “no”.
The same goes in selling a product or service that others don’t buy – everyone has their own mindset about money and what to spend it on, life factors that influence time, and other specific reasons why they may not be interested in your product right now.
This doesn’t mean that you or even what you are offering is bad AT ALL! If you have four clients instead of ten, the four who purchased did so because they were in a place to do so – and the other six just weren’t. Period.
Once you can move past letting others’ criticisms or opinions or just lack of interest affect your self worth, it’s time to do the inner work of finding your confidence and belief in yourself from within and not from external factors.
Remember that list of life priorities? That is the key to breaking this self doubt cycle and empowering yourself to take confident action in your business.
When we operate from a place of knowing that we are more than our business, more than the click rates, more than client numbers, more than social media metrics or email open rates – that is when we can truly start to build confidence in what we have to offer others through our work.
You are inherently worthy. You are amazing. You have something incredible to offer others.
I tell my clients these affirmations all the time. These are the mantras that I have adopted as I bust through the walls that self doubt puts in my mind. And you know what? It is possible to live a life and build a business from this place.
And when you adopt this energy, people will notice. That is where vulnerability and authenticity comes into play as we build our businesses, through communicating from this place of knowing our self worth.
Sure, maybe your potential client can read a book or listen to a podcast and get the same product you are delivering. But what they won’t get is your experience, your story, and your expertise as you have built something from the ground up.
And what they won’t get is the energy that you bring that can inspire them – that energy of self love, self worth, and confidence.
As we build businesses from places of alignment, knowing where our work falls in our list of life’s priorities, and basing our self worth on the factors that matter and not others’ criticism, we can truly take meaningful action and offer something to others that will serve them.
Then, your next step is to just create something. Pick an offer, a website design, a domain name, and move forward with the confidence that you possess everything within you that you need to succeed.
What if I told you that you have a team here at Success with Soul that can help you do the mindset work to break cycles of self doubt and build your business in alignment with your life’s priorities?
For the first time in 2023, the Incubator Mastermind will be reopening for enrollment and we’re rewarding those that take action and join the waitlist!
By signing up for the waitlist, you’ll get access to exclusive bonuses, including an invitation-only bonus training with Kate, $500 off Incubator enrollment, and the opportunity to enroll in the Incubator during our pre-enrollment period.
If you’re ready to take your business to the next level, ready for accountability to achieve your goals, and ready to join a community of women taking inspired action, then join the waitlist today.
There’s no risk or obligation to sign up for the waitlist, so you have nothing to lose by taking advantage of this opportunity.
So sign up for the waitlist now at katekordsmeier.com/exclusive.
Thanks so much for listening in this week! If you enjoyed this episode, here are some ways you can join our Success with Soul movement:
When you really stop and think about your life’s priorities, where does your work and business fall in that list? We put a lot of ourselves into our work. Because we are building something from the ground up, it is natural to invest a lot of who we are into our businesses. But there is a line between working to build a business that we care about with vulnerability and authenticity…and falling into a cycle of thinking, “I am my work.” Learning to find that balance is the key to maintaining the order you want for your life’s priorities.
There are two main factors that contribute to falling into a cycle of self doubt: others’ opinions, and the metrics we use to define success. When those metrics are job status and income, we find ourselves thinking we are failing if we don’t find “success” in those areas right away.
In order to get back to living by your desired life priorities order, breaking these cycles of self doubt is key! One of the first steps is realizing when you let others’ opinions affect your self worth and idea of success. Don’t let anyone else dictate to you what you should sell, at what price point, or anything else. Secondly, set up the boundaries you need in order to truly shut down the laptop at the end of the work day and find fulfillment in other areas of your life.
Katie Koosh 0:00
Hi, I'm Katie Koosh here with Oregon girl holistic skincare. And I am part of the Success with Soul incubator. My favorite part about being in the incubator is I know no matter what roadblock I hit, whether it's a mental roadblock, something with tech, or just trying to decide what the next steps need to be in creating my offer, I can always reach out to the team and Kate and they're going to be there with heartfelt thoughtful advice that is catered specifically to my business needs. And where I'm at in my business growth. The Incubator has completely transformed how I've been able to approach my business. And I really do feel like they've just become part of my team. So I'm so thankful for being a part of the incubator.
You're listening to the Success with Soul podcast with Kate Kordsmeier, X journalist turned CEO of a multi six figure blog and online business. But it wasn't that long ago that Kate was a struggling entrepreneur who lacked confidence, clarity, and let's be honest money. But all those failures, experiments and lessons learned helped Kate create a thriving business that impacts 1000s and brings freedom, flexibility and fulfillment to her life. If you're ready to do the same and make something happen with holistic, soulful, step by step strategies from Kate and other experts, you're in the right place. Here's your host, writer, educator, mom, recovering perfectionist, bookworm and sushi connoisseur, Kate Kordsmeier.
Kate Kordsmeier 1:36
Welcome back to the Success with Soul podcast. I'm your host, Kate Kordsmeier. And I am so stinking excited because we're doing something a little different. Once again, we have just released a four part private podcast called inside the incubator. And we're going behind the scenes of the incubator to show you what it's really like inside our group coaching program, you're going to be able to listen to real clients get real coaching and support as they work through roadblocks and take inspired action in their businesses. It has been on my heart to share this with you because I know there are so many of you out there doing this alone. And I want to show you what it's like to have a team behind you. I remember the frustration of struggling by myself. I had no tools I had no one to talk to. And now no matter how difficult things may seem, I have a fellowship and a way of life that helps me cope. I no longer feel alone and neither do the women in the incubator. All it takes as one coaching call to get you unstuck. That's what it's like to have a community that you can count on. So listen up and let's dive into today's episode.
Rachel Silves 1:53
All right, well, I think we're ready to move into some questions. And we'll start with the pre submitted ones. So Carmen, you are up first. And you're here somewhere. There you are. So we are going to have a good opportunity to go through some in depth coaching, like these are what these calls are for. So Carmen, you submitted a question, how do you plan for the big picture? You're struggling with seeing how some of the little steps that you're taking will like, be part of the big plan? So if you want to unmute, then Kate and I will kind of coach you through that.
Sure. So I mean, I'm starting from scratch, like, nothing like no audience, no offer no, no, no website, I finally got to a point where like, I have my website. I know kind of what I want to do. But I still haven't like, officially tested it in real life. But then even just putting myself out there with like the first email, but it's an email sequence. So what am I building up to, to the offer? Like, I'm struggling with figuring out what I should offer, what my signature offer will be. And I know that might change along the way. But I didn't know if you've had any feedback or could help in in navigating like, how do you even get to that point? How do you dream about something that might be a year from now? But work on it today?
Kate Kordsmeier 3:16
Yeah, it's such a good question. And I think just acknowledging like how normal that is to feel that really at any stage in our business, just when we are planning something new, and it's a big thing down the road. So I think you're in good company, and totally natural to feel that way. I'm curious, Carmen, if you want to stay unmuted, we can kind of have a conversation here. Where do you feel the struggle in your body?
My chest? What's it feel like? is tight? Yeah.
Kate Kordsmeier 3:55
And what kind of thoughts do you have about that feeling?
Like, I know, I think I finally came to the point or the consensus, or I've accepted that what I have to offer is valuable. But somehow it just still doesn't click like, I know what I should be doing. I just can't take that last leap off the ledge and put myself out there.
Kate Kordsmeier 4:18
Yeah, again, such a common struggle and fear. I'm wondering like this tightness in your chest, this kind of I'm hearing kind of like an anxious feeling. Is that right?
Kate Kordsmeier 4:33
What else might that feeling be trying to tell you?
I don't know what it's trying to tell me. I know what like my concerns are like if this doesn't work, if I didn't, maybe what I think people need isn't really what they want to hear from me.
Kate Kordsmeier 4:54
How do you know?
I don't know. I feel like I do, I just need, you know, I think you're supposed to, like throw spaghetti at the wall and see what sticks. But I've never been that kind of person. Like, I wouldn't consider myself a type A, but to just do something without, I'm definitely a planner. And I've done the research and all of that. But this, I'm really struggling with it, like even thinking about it as a job. It's not how I was raised to think of as work.
Kate Kordsmeier 5:30
What does work mean to you?
You go somewhere to work for somebody else. It's stable, like it's predictable, you know what to expect? You provide a value and you're given, like, you know, you're paid for the amount of value you're given. And it's an equation, whereas this, it's much more nebulous.
Kate Kordsmeier 5:52
Well, aside from working for someone else, are all of those other things possible?
Kate Kordsmeier 6:01
Like, can you still provide value? Can you still, you know, some of the other things that you mentioned on that list? Is that something you can still do, even if you're not working for somebody else?
Yeah. But now it's all completely on you. Like, you have to set up the framework you have to like, I feel like there was, you know, there's a guidebook and there's roles and there's expectations, well, now it's all you're placing them on yourself, which is a hard place to be in if you're already kind of critical of yourself.
Kate Kordsmeier 6:36
Yeah. So what does it look like? If you do it? Anyway, just still feeling all these feelings, but you continue to just do it. Show up?
What do you mean, what does it look like?
Kate Kordsmeier 6:51
Like, what is just showing up anyway look like to you like, does, what are you doing in that scenario?
So I did, I just published the first blog post, and like, that part is making more sense to me, like just create the content, just do the work. But the like email building and the reaching out, and I haven't even gotten the criticism, but I already know, you know, like, there will be criticism. And I don't know if that's the part that's really getting me stuck.
Kate Kordsmeier 7:23
What if that weren't true? Like, what if there would be no criticism?
I never thought about that before. But you immediately, I just thought, of course, there's going to be you always get like, feedback or criticized or maybe it's just the end, like, I'm so used to the criticism. Like, that's such a big part of my industry, that it's one of the reasons I'm trying to do this to get away from like, the mansplaining. And the, the thinking less of me and all of that. But I guess I internalized that form.
Kate Kordsmeier 8:00
Yeah, it sounds like some of it is like you're taking the things that other people were doing to you that you wanted to get away from, and now you're doing them to yourself. Does that resonate?
Kate Kordsmeier 8:11
yeah. What do you feel like is different about the blog post, then an email?
The blog post is like it's information. It's just like it's more black and white, or as an email is trying to make a connection with somebody setting yourself up, like you're opening yourself up, it's more vulnerable.
Kate Kordsmeier 8:34
Is there room for vulnerability in your blog posts? Or is it strictly these are the facts.
I mean, I talk about myself like, the first ones about a free standing bathtub and like, I don't bathe, I've just, I'm not that person. Like the world is bathers and non bathers. And I've always been a shower person, but somehow that, like the humor in it is, I don't know if it's my defense mechanism, like to me that it wasn't so bad. And it's a short thing. And you're not really selling anything. But in the email, you're kind of leading up to that selling, at some point.
Kate Kordsmeier 9:13
What's so bad about selling?
Again, I think it's just like, I'm used to, you know, you make $40 an hour, like there's a equation whereas like, selling, it's now a reflection of my worth.
Kate Kordsmeier 9:28
It's up to somebody else to establish whether or not they think I'm worth that.
Kate Kordsmeier 9:35
Is it up to somebody else to establish your worth? Or is it up to somebody else to establish whether they think the specific item you're selling is worth the specific dollar amount you're selling it for, for that specific person and their specific budget and goals.
But my item is, I don't know. Maybe I'm making it too much about me. How do you let go of that like, it is my knowledge, my experience my I don't know.
Kate Kordsmeier 10:05
Yeah. I mean, you put a lot of yourself into your work, of course. And I feel like you know, that's a lot of what people end up connecting with is, is that vulnerability, that's what people want is that vulnerability, that connection? You put yourself into your work. But how does it feel to think I am not my work?
I guess I have to get to that point.
Kate Kordsmeier 10:30
So it feels like you don't believe it right now.
Yeah, not right now.
Kate Kordsmeier 10:35
What else are you besides your work right now?
A mom, a wife, an amazing friend. And creative.
Kate Kordsmeier 10:44
Mm hmm. If you were to make a list of what's most important to you, where does work fall on those things?
Yeah, nowhere near the top.
Kate Kordsmeier 10:54
Yeah. So it's interesting that you're making...you are your business is kind of what I'm hearing you say? And yet, you're so many other things that are so much more important to you than your business. So what's possible for your emails for your selling for your offer? Just for your business as a whole, we operate from that place. It's just like work is just one of the things that I do. But it's not who I am.
I guess you get lost. In trying to build this, you get lost and being that person for a while.
Kate Kordsmeier 11:33
Yeah, it's so hard. I mean, in the beginning, especially, because our culture is so focused on achievement and accomplishments. And we're measuring success, basically by job title and salary. Right. And so, when we're not making any money in the beginning, and we're not really sure what we're really doing, like, What even is our job title? I don't I don't even know how to explain this to somebody. There's an identity crisis that happens, I think, and we have to kind of figure out like, who am I outside of this? And like, where else could you derive your worth? Besides whether somebody opens an email or criticizes something that you do? Or buys your offer? If we let those external things determine whether we're worthy as a human? You know, where else do you feel like you could derive your worth outside of these external things?
I mean, like, right now, that's what we're focusing on. So I guess it just needs to be a better balance.
Kate Kordsmeier 12:44
Well we're focusing on doing certain things in our business. But is that the same thing as deriving our worth from how that plays out? Yeah, I just want you to know, like, I don't know if you're seeing the chat. But everyone's like saying, "me too. I'm right there with you." And I appreciate you for being you know, so vulnerable, and sharing this with us. We wanted to do this on this call today. Because it was like, we know that everybody listening here is going to be like, "Yep, I feel all those same things." So you're not alone. And it's really fucking hard. But I would love for you to sit with and maybe journal on like, what are you making your business mean about you? If anybody else also wants to unmute and just share what's coming up for them? I'd love to hear.
Bront'e Singleton 13:43
Yeah, this reminded me of the conversation we had last week in the breakout rooms, when I was talking about not hearing from my students in my program. And me internalizing that as like, I'm not doing my job, I'm not doing good enough, or there's something wrong with whatever it is, there's something wrong with me. Because they're not responding. They're not you know, saying things in the Facebook group, or they're not emailing to say like, Hey, are you doing the lesson just doing the things but actually, recently, after that conversation, I worked to like, let it go. It's still there, but I, I feel better about it. And I actually recently got a message from my friend who were doing a biz swap and she's in the program and she gave me tons of really great feedback. And I was like, after I let it go that's what I got sort of what I needed to hear for my myself but also me letting it go was good on its own. Like I don't know how to word that but me letting it go. Let me move on.
Kate Kordsmeier 14:47
Yeah, like it frees that mental space for you of like, now, I'm not worried and stressing about this thing. Like there's so much more possibility.
Bront'e Singleton 14:57
Yeah, and it trickles into other things or like it looking through emails and seeing so many typos, I've made it first randomly. Well, you just fix it and you move on. And it's doesn't mean you're a bad writer. It just means you've made mistakes.
Kate Kordsmeier 15:14
Yeah, you're human. Right? Like, I think we also all have like such a common fear of this criticism or like, what are people going to say? Or what our people are going to think we're all at different stages in our business. How many of you have ever received like, really harsh negative criticism that just was like, I can't bounce back from this? Bront'e says me? Well, you're a teacher that makes sense. You get all the angry parents who want you to do their job
Bront'e Singleton 15:47
I've been in the moment.
Kate Kordsmeier 15:49
Yeah. It's really rare, is the point here. I'm not saying it never happens of course, and everyboyd is going to have a different threshhold for how much citicism they can handle. And I think this is one of the thing you worry about that is never actually going to happen. I'm going to stop there, I see Lindsay you have your hand up. Thank you.
Lindsay Thomas 16:09
Yeah I just wanted to also thank you Carmen, we are at a similar place. I was having a meeting yesterday with a real estate agent who I was hoping to get some ideas from and interview for my blog and that was good but when I mentioned what I was planning to charge which was really only half of what I wanted to charge you know, she was like, "Oh that's a lot, I don't know if people would be open to that." At first I was like, Oh, okay.... maybe I should rethink this. But then I realized, like, she doesn't know really what the transformation that I believe I can provide. And she doesn't. She knows just the very top level of it. And she's coming at it from a very different perspective, perspective. And so, you know, in the last day, I've just been like, oh, well, you know, I'll take some of what her recommendations were, but I don't need to listen to her like about what this is worth to people. And I'll just keep doing like, I'll test that out for myself. But I'm not going to change my plans because of that. So just what you were saying about like worth and letting other people think about, or like, define what you're worth. It's hard. But yeah, just the last day that came up for me.
Kate Kordsmeier 17:26
Yeah, thank you so much for sharing that and just really celebrating that you were able to like, Okay, this is one person's opinion. And I can take it into account, but it's not going to define me, it's not going to change my plans. I was a journalist, freelance before I started the blog and got here, right. So 90% of my job was pitching editors to ask them if I could write a story for them. And I have to give them an idea. And so I heard no, all day, like, all day long. It was awful. Of course, when you got the Yes, it was like a drug. Hey, it was like so such a high. But my point being what I had to realize in that was, nobody's rejecting me. They're not saying you, Kate, are a horrible human. Get out of here. They're like this specific idea for this specific magazine at this specific date and time is not the right fit. Try again next time. And I feel like once I say they're not rejecting me, it's all about I mean, all those other factors, I said, timing, and everybody like this specific person, Lindsey has their own ideas about money, they have their own mind trash about money, they have their own limiting beliefs, like they have their own budget, they have their own income, what is a lot to her could be free to somebody else. So thank you for sharing that example. I think it's really, really powerful. Avi
Hey, y'all, I wanted to just quickly pop in and interrupt to let you know some exciting news. For the first time in 2023, the incubator mastermind will be reopening for enrollment, and we're rewarding those that take action and join the waitlist. By signing up for the waitlist, you'll get access to exclusive bonuses, including an invitation only bonus training with Kate $500 off the incubator enrollment and opportunity to enroll in the incubator during our pre enrollment period. If you're ready to take your business to the next level, ready for accountability to achieve your goals, and ready to join a community of women taking inspired action, then join the waitlist today, there's no risk or obligation to sign up for the waitlist, so you have nothing to lose by taking advantage of this opportunity. Sign up for the waitlist now at Kate kordsmeier.com, forward slash exclusive. That's Kate kordsmeier.com, forward slash exclusive.
What I I got personally from exchange between you and Carmen is something that I struggled with, because I had to accept the fact that I used to be so ahead of everything, I could pick things up so fast. I could provide an amazing service to a lot of people. And then when I couldn't do it, I felt worthless, like because I could not provide a value. I felt like I did not have any value. And I think culturally, and I thought about this even more when Carmen was saying she's a mother, you know, and all the other things she was but it was always what she provided a value to others. But sometimes we forget to start by just saying we are valuable in and of ourselves. No, I'm worthy. I'm amazing. I'm an awesome person. And just, that's enough. And then when you truly embrace that, and believe it, then from there, it's going to be like, of course, people are going to like my product, because I'm amazing person, I have great ideas. And people are just going to run to my source. And you just you just continue this, this is what I'm doing myself. So that's why I'm sharing it. I think you won't put those blocks there, you won't create that resistance. But I can relate 1,000% Because we always have to kind of remind ourselves that we're just perfect how we were we came in this world as a perfect, unique individual soul that has his own special thing to provide to humanity. And so that's what I got from that conversation.
Kate Kordsmeier 20:50
Thank you so much for sharing that Avi, that's beautiful. And so true. We are all inherently worthy. And what's possible for our lives, our business, when we operate from that place of like, I am inherently worthy, of course, they're going to buy my stuff. I'm amazing. Like, have you seen this? I am amazing. Of course, they want what I have, versus coming in being like, Oh, God, you know, all the fears that we all have. That's energy, like everything is energy. And people, even through an email can pick up on that energy and that vibe we're putting out like, I don't even know if this thing is good or not. Do you want it? Like, no, nobody wants it? So it's hard work. I know. It's not like just so everybody, just believe in yourself. You're all perfect and amazing, just as you are check moving on. But it's good to at least start being aware of it and really sitting with Where are you deriving your worth currently? And what can you let go of? Molly?
Molly Cahill 21:55
So first of all, thank you Carmen for a hate I know being on the spot is like so uncomfortable, because I've been there before. So like kudos to you, because clearly you sparked something. And then also Lindsey, I would not have had like the wherewithal when I was at the point that you are to not internalize what that person said. And like that's back to like, where you say don't like look at other people's prices, right? Because like you don't really compare apples to apples with their program because it doesn't give the same transformation. But I was just gonna say it what came up for me was, I used to be a medical sales. I was like a manager I had this big team had a big territory, and I had a really big paycheck. But I was really burnt out. And it was really hard. When I first started my business, the first year in business, I made like negative $600 or something. And my accountant, he's very nice man, but old white dude. And he was like, you know, you could get a job at Navy Federal Credit Union probably make like $60,000 a year. And I was like, I gotta switch accountants because you do not understand like, what? I know that I'm like, I can't make money i you've saw my tax return last year, I'm capable of making money, but I didn't want to do it that way anymore. And I just reversing. So surrounding yourself with people like this, who see what you're trying to do and understand where you're trying to go is so important. I still have a lot of problems with it. Because my husband's always like, the budget, the budget, and whenever he talks about our budget, I like immediately put up my defenses and get pissed off. Because I used to be the breadwinner, and I used to be able to just like no, I'm gonna buy what I want. And now that like, I'm not quite there yet. Like, I'm still paying myself like less than what a teacher makes. I'm like, Yeah, I still have a lot of trouble with it and wrapping my identity up and what I contribute financially is really hard.
Kate Kordsmeier 23:45
Molly Cahill 23:46
But I could just go work at Navy Federal Credit Union though.
Kate Kordsmeier 23:48
My dream job right there. Yeah. Thank you for sharing that, Molly. And it just reminds me to when you say that, like 99% of what other people say to us is their own shit. It doesn't have anything to do with us is all about them and their own experience perspective, their own shitty thoughts. Like it is rarely about you, Katie?
Katie Kus 24:15
Well, and something that came up for me, Carmen, especially when you're talking about like, where you're feeling like overwhelm. That's something for me because I've gone from my income didn't really matter. I wasn't the breadwinner to now, like, it's all on me. And so there's been a huge amount of stress that I've put on myself of like, I have to make this work within like, a much shorter timeline than what I think is actually realistic. And so I've been making that switch of like, this feeling is also like excitement. I'm excited about my business. And I think about like the Bruce Springsteen quote from Marie Forleo his book where he talks about like those feelings of what would some people think of like a panic attack and an anxiety attack actually, like, excitement and revving you up and realizing that like, I need to start following that excitement and following what that excitement is telling me and not thinking of it as like an anchor or a hindrance. But it's like that guide of like, what are these next steps that I need to be taking? And when I am following that excitement, that's when like, I had a fully booked week. And and so it's like, what I'm having those moments of just like taking the stress off of it and like not putting so much of the burden of it on myself, that I'm able to find more like flow.
Kate Kordsmeier 25:30
Yeah, so good. Such a good reminder. Thank you for sharing that. Katie. Carmen, how are you feeling?
Kate Kordsmeier 25:40
Yeah. Less alone, I hope at least.
Kate Kordsmeier 25:46
Okay. So do you feel complete on this? I don't know that we technically answered your question. Would you like us to circle back?
Sure. But I do want to say, thank you so much for that have been really struggling with like, just the feeling like I know, I'm stopping myself. Like, there's nothing else stopping me. I just could not get out of my own way. And I do feel like a lot lighter now. So.
Kate Kordsmeier 26:13
But in terms of the original question, it was like, how do you? How do you pare it down? You know? Because then you start to think, what do I want to build? What do I want to offer? What kind of community do I want to create? You have all these things that come up? How do you decide on at least first go around, what should your offer be? Like? Is it going to be a community or a workshop? Or a membership? I don't know. Like, how do you even begin to think about okay, I'm going to just focus on this one thing and work towards that for now.
Kate Kordsmeier 26:49
Yeah. I think the honest to God answer is you just decide, like, you just pick something and start. And what you start with is never going to be what you end with, or what you're doing a few years from now, or it's not ever going to look exactly same. But I think it is one of those situations where it's like, there isn't a right answer. And you, truly I mean, I know I'm a broken record with this, but it's like you will not know until you just try it, try something. And so I think sometimes we can put the pressure on ourselves of like, the permanence of it. So whatever we decide now is going to be forever, you're forever committing to this thing. And anything that feels forever is like, Oh, God, how can I make that decision?
Rachel Silves 27:37
If I can jump in for a minute? And Bront'e actually put it in the chat here, Carmen, but what do you feel drawn to create?
Kate Kordsmeier 27:45
Yeah, great question.
The ultimate goal is just to get women past their own mental hurdles and internalization of like, I can't build or I'm not strong enough. I'm not whatever, like a lot of women haven't even or don't own any tools. I think, ideally, like, perfect scenario would be to have some sort of like retreat, where it's like, let's go like, you know, it's a week long retreat, and you learn how to build a greenhouse or something, or you learn to design and build and you'd have, like, massages, and like, cool stuff to do teamwork, things like that. Down the road, but I don't want to, I don't think I want to start with that. So the first thing I decided was the workshop wallpaper. But I don't, I don't know.
Rachel Silves 28:36
But that to me, like what you just described, and you could go back and listen to the recording of what you said, since I know you're kind of on the spot. Like the wallpaper workshop feels like really in line to me with where you want to go in the future like, no, it's not a retreat, necessarily. But you're not wanting to do that like necessarily right this second. So I think we kind of have this like vision of where we want to go. And then the possibilities of like any steps along the way that will help get us there are all possibilities and Bront'e put some really good questions here in the chat for you like so you have this vision you have this week long retreat or this. I mean, you want to teach women how to build and use tools. So you can think of like what are they going to need in order to like what education or what community might they need in order to get there. And then Bront'e put in here, like what feels the easiest to create right now? So you could like take your big vision, and then kind of start breaking it down and working a little bit backwards. So what feels the easiest to create right now? Or what's the first step to create the thing that you feel like is your big mission or your big vision? So those might be some interesting questions for you to journal on and think about, like you want to have this retreat. What might be some things that people need some education, some community, what feels the easiest and what feels like the thing that you're drawn to first to help you get started. But I just want to echo what Kate said, because I think we're all or at least sometimes I fall into this trap. But we all want to look for like the right answer or the one direction. And I just want to echo there isn't one. And you, you get to, like use those questions to help guide you towards your ultimate goal and your your mission and your vision. So I don't know if that is helpful or resonates with you at all. But those might be answering those questions might be one way to kind of like take the first steps towards your big vision for your business. Does any of that resonate with you, Carmen?
Yes, yeah, I think more so than anything. It's like there is no wrong like just do.
Kate Kordsmeier 30:36
There is no wrong there is no failure, literally only feedback information. I will say I had a like a little intuitive hint here, when you were speaking that made me I want to share very similar to even like how we're all talking about this right now, when you were just sharing, like who you want to help. So much of it is about the confidence and the mindset behind the women who want to do this thing. Like, it's not that if they want to go learn how to build a greenhouse, I'm sure there are somewhere that will teach them how to build a greenhouse. But they don't have the confidence. They don't have the ability in themselves to go and do that thing. And that could be one of the things that sets you apart from just like, going and watching some random YouTube video by some dude is like, it's the same thing that I say about the Incubator, is like, every one of you probably joined for the strategy, like, Oh, tell me how to do keyword research. And like, yeah, that matters. But it's all the other shit that comes up here that's like, this is what's actually getting in your way. It's not because you don't know how to write an email, like, you can learn how to write an email. It's because of how you feel about sending out that email and what's going to happen after that.
Yeah, definitely realize that, like when helping my friend with her renovation, there's a huge mindset and like mental block, and we've internalized so many messages, when it comes to design, and even just design is thought of as superfluous. It's a luxury, it's not necessary. Whereas if you are in a space that you truly love, like, it's empowering, it's aspirational, it'll get you to the next level everybody deserves and that's the tagline the website. Everybody deserves to love where they live. And unfortunately, most people don't.
Kate Kordsmeier 32:30
Yeah, I love that so much. Love. Yeah, great tagline. Cool. Well, what is something you can do this week, to help you make a decision and move forward and the next thing.
So I do have a meeting, my alma mater fell through so I've been meeting with the Lola to barter for their space, so I can just have the first workshop and a month from now. Okay. Yeah, that date, then I can like send out and start selling Yeah.
Kate Kordsmeier 33:04
Yeah. Awesome. Okay, thank you, again, so much Furman for being brave and open to answering all those questions and looking within yourself. I think it was very inspiring to everyone else, too. So thank you again.
All right. Thanks for tuning in y'all. If you liked this episode, and want to get coached by me and my amazing team, then come join us inside the Success with Soul incubator where we have live q&a coaching calls every single week. Plus, you can even submit your work for feedback every week to That's right, you literally can submit everything you're working on and get personalized laser coaching feedback on your actual work every single week. I don't know many programs offering this and it is one of my favorite features. And I think our students would have great. In addition to our self paced curriculum, we have frequent live trainings with leading industry experts on topics like leadership and Enneagram and metrics and finance and SEO and funnels. And because your business won't thrive if you aren't thriving. We also do monthly soul sessions with spiritual healers and wellness pros to ensure you get that self care in. So if you're ready to transform your business in life and holistic, sustainable and soulful way, head on over to Kate kordsmeier.com forward slash scale. We're accepting businesses of all sighs including those that are just dreams in your head and those who are making all the money but feeling totally empty and depleted by the process. Here's what one of our clients Molly Cahill from holistic marketing hub had to say about it.
Molly Cahill 34:43
I had my first $10,000 month and now I'm having consistent $18,000 months. Thanks to Kate in the strategies I learned inside the Success with Soul incubator. It is by far the best money I've ever invested into my business it has paid off for sure not to mention At the time that it saved me being able to just copy paste, import Kate's funnel. And I love that you get a lot of one on one time with Kate on the weekly group calls and that you get direct feedback and direct critiques on your specific questions that are unique to your business. And also love that she doesn't give you this. One size fits all business in a box approach. She recognizes and appreciates that every business is unique. And she helps you walk through those unique challenges for your specific business. And on top of that, I love that she's just a real human who walks the talk. So highly recommend Success with Soul incubator. Thank you so much Kate.
Kate Kordsmeier 35:41
So if you want results and transformation just like her come join us inside this intimate mastermind style program at Kate kordsmeier.com forward slash scale. We'll see you next week.
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