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Do you compare yourself with others in business and life? Turns out it’s a common problem among women and entrepreneurs, which is why in today’s episode we’re offering our second mini mindset training on how to kick comparison to the curb and why doing so will help you take your business and goals to new levels.
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We did a survey with our Incubator business coaching clients at the end of 2022, and do you know what we found? About 40% of them said that they were feeling behind in their business compared to the others in the mastermind!
The irony here is that if 40% of a group feels behind, it proves that nobody is actually behind and that this is really just a limiting belief. We knew the truth: everyone was making incredible progress towards their goals.
When it comes to making progress in growing your business, it is easy to compare yourself with others, especially when you see their successes and are hyper-aware of where you think you “should be”. But comparison is the thief of joy, and can end up setting you back.
The good news is that a lot of the time, comparison has no grounding in reality.
Comparison is an exercise that leads to one of two emotions, depending on how you see yourself compared to others.
If you feel like everyone else is more successful and productive than you, It can make you feel either worthless, deficient, or unsure of yourself. But when you feel as though you are ahead of everyone else, sometimes you can fall into feeling prideful and as if those “behind you” aren’t your crowd anymore.
Most often, our clients feel behind others and end up struggling big time with imposter syndrome because of comparison. That’s why we offer a free guide on how to “say goodbye” to imposter syndrome!
Maybe you’ve heard this term tossed around or seen it pop up in articles online – it’s certainly getting some much needed attention. But what is imposter syndrome and does it affect you?
Imposter syndrome, in short, is the feeling like you are a fraud and don’t actually have the ability to achieve success. At Success with Soul, we use this idea a lot as we support women (and ourselves!) in truly believing that they are capable of achieving anything.
And, it’s important to note that when this term was initially being coined and studied, key groups of women of color, the LGTBQI+ community, and other underrepresented communities were not included.
Despite this, we believe that imposter syndrome is an influential factor on women’s success everywhere, which is why we want to help all women know that they have everything they need within themselves to kick comparison to the curb and live the holistic, sustainable lives of their dreams.
Think you might be struggling with imposter syndrome? Some tell-tale signs are:
Oftentimes, imposter syndrome affects naturally high-achieving women, which means that those who experience it have even less reason to because you have so much to share with the world!
When you compare yourself to others, that feeds into imposter syndrome even more, preventing you from knowing your worth and offering your amazing services to others.
Listen, the truth is that there will always be someone ahead and someone behind you. Even if you feel like you are behind, others are probably feeling the same way about you. It’s that proverbial “the grass is always greener” idea.
The bottom line is this: it doesn’t freaking matter. The goal should not be to make sure you’re happy with how you compare with others – but rather to grow your business at your own pace.
Instead of seeing others behind or ahead of you as more or less successful, think about these reframes:
If you see someone who is further ahead, ask yourself, “What can I learn from her?”
If you see someone who is behind you, ask yourself, “How can I support her?”
When you focus on learning and teaching others, you may grow your own skills and mindset faster than when you were comparing yourself to them.
I see this come up a lot in our coaching calls in the Incubator when clients are hesitant to ask questions of me or each other, afraid to expose that they are feeling behind or inadequate.
Don’t. Fall. Into. This. Trap. You will never learn if you don’t have the humility to ask questions! Besides, you never know who else has the same question or who can learn from the answer.
Let’s summarize! Here’s your TL;DR of how to beat comparison and see everything as a learning importunity.
Want to join a community of women who can help you learn and grow while kicking comparison and imposter syndrome to the curb? Inside the Success with Soul Incubator mastermind, we are constantly working with clients to provide tailored feedback on their businesses, mindsets, and income generating practices. The Incubator is a holistic mastermind empowering female coaches to make money sustainably.
If you’re ready to take your business to the next level, learn best SEO practices, achieve your goals, and join a community of women taking inspired action, join the waitlist today! Get up-to-date information about enrollment dates and bonuses when you join the waitlist.
Sign up at: katekordsmeier.com/scale
Thanks so much for listening in this week! If you enjoyed this episode, here are some ways you can join our Success with Soul movement:
If you compare yourself to others in life, business, success, money, etc, know that you aren’t alone! Many women deal with comparison on a daily basis, often feeling behind others (although sometimes ahead of others and too proud of it!). When you compare yourself to others, instead try seeing it as a learning opportunity – either to learn from someone else or teach another person what you know.
Imposter syndrome, in short, is the feeling like you are a fraud and don’t actually have the ability to achieve success. Other feelings associated with this syndrome are felling like any success you have achieved is due to luck and that someone will eventually call you out for not actually being capable.
Here are some practical tips for when you compare yourself to others:
– Reframe your mindset
– Use comparison as motivation
– Learn from others
– Help others
– Take a break from social media
Do you compare yourself to others often? Comment below and let us know which tip you are going to try!
Bront'e Singleton 0:00
Hey, this is Bront'e Singleton, current client and student of the Incubator, the most amazing program that I've ever been in in my entire life. I just wanted to take a moment to share how amazing this program has been for me, my mindset, my business, my progress, and the wins that I've had since joining the program. So since joining the incubator, I've grown more confident in myself as a business woman as a person. And in my expertise and my ability to run my business, I was recently able to launch my course for language learners, which is amazing. And it was a huge undertaking. And because of this, I was able to make two sales on my first launch of my course, within my business as a whole, I've been able to create a system for content creation, and streamlining that process in a way that works for me and my business. So I'm less stressed out about what to post when and how. And the biggest thing which I never thought I'd be doing in my first year of business is that I created and turned on my evergreen funnel. The Incubator has given me the tools to be able to focus my time and attention on the things that really move my business and help my business grow, but also take time to take care of myself because if I'm not well, I don't have what I need, then I can't serve the people that I want to serve. So I 1,000% love the incubator program and I'm so glad so glad that I joined.
Kate Kordsmeier 1:18
You're listening to the Success with Soul podcast where we believe empowering women is the key to creating a brighter future for us all. Whether you're an entrepreneur, employee or stay at home mom, this podcast is for you. I'm your host Kate Kordsmeier and ICF life and business coach who has made over 2.2 million while working less than 25 hours a week, raising two toddlers, and quitting social media. I'm here to transparently share my expertise and help you create a life and business you love. Together with my diverse team of passionate women, many of whom you'll hear from on this podcast. We empower 1000s With holistic strategies, personal development resources and mindset tools to find freedom, flexibility and fulfillment and business and beyond. Every week we offer life coaching for Busy Women who want to improve their relationships, self care, and overall well being and business coaching for coaches, course creators and consultants who want to make money sustainably. We believe personal growth and entrepreneurship are powerful tools for creating social change. And the world is a better place When more women find their voice and create their own money, power and freedom. Expect candid conversations and insightful interviews with experts that will inspire and support you on your path to intentional whole living and Success with Soul on your terms. It's time to ditch the hustle and find inner peace. Here we go.
Welcome back to the Success with Soul podcast. I'm your guest host Indira and I'm so excited for what we have in store for you. So over the next three weeks, we are going to be sharing a three part mini training series, we are going to take you behind the scenes inside of our incubator coaching calls, and we are going to give you actionable tips on how you can start making money, how to get unstuck, and what to do when you feel behind. So you are going to be seeing a sneak peek into the strategies, the tools, the tips, all of the tactics that we share with our clients inside of the incubator. So if you are a coach or consultant on entrepreneur, and you know that you could use more help making money or want to learn what to do when you get stuck, and what to do when you feel behind, then you'll definitely want to tune in for the next three weeks in this three part mini series. I am so excited. Let's dive in.
Kate Kordsmeier 4:11
So we have been very diligently going through all of the survey responses. So thank you to everybody who has filled that out. And if you haven't already, there's still time and we would love to hear from you. And it is so interesting to hear like to see the common themes and trends and things that are happening in those surveys. So one of the things that Rachel and I noticed is that like almost 40% of the survey responders said something to the effect of like, sometimes I feel so far behind because everyone else is so much further ahead than me. But it's like if everybody is saying that, then first of all, you're actually not behind anybody because other people are saying the exact same thing. And second of all, just wanting to kind of talk about comparison and getting into that, you know, that headspace and what mindset work we could do around feeling like people are in a better or different place than you and like making some kind of personal judgment or making that mean something about it about you or about your business or something? And also just recognizing again that like, is that even true? And what we have found is that it is not true that well, of course, there are people in different stages that there are plenty of people who are still in the very beginning, who are just doing a founding members launch, who are, you know, just getting started, so you're not alone. And I thought Rachel had a good point, if you want to jump in here, kind of just about comparison is the thief of joy, as we all know, and Rachel had some thoughts to share in this too.
Rachel Silves 5:46
Yeah, I think the only thing that that was gonna add to what Kate had said, is when you think about, I'm like, really practical person. So when you think about like the effectiveness of comparing yourself to others, It either makes you feel like shit if people are further ahead than you, or it makes you feel boastful and prideful if you're super far ahead of other people. And so just sometimes for me thinking about, like, what is my end goal with comparison? Or how can comparison ever make me feel better about myself, which is, pretty much the answer is never. It either makes you feel like worthless and less worthy, or prideful and boastful. So I just that that was just a useful thing to me when I was stuck in that impostor syndrome and doing a lot of comparison to others. And I really liked the quote that Kate just shared, which is like literally the thief of joy, it, like I said, either makes you feel like really bad about yourself, or it takes you to this place where there's like this fake pride, which is also not super effective and helping you move forward. So that was what I was going to share. Yeah.
Kate Kordsmeier 6:49
Well, hey, there, it's Kate Kordsmeier. And I wanted to play a quick game with you. Let me know which of these you can raise your hand for? Are you wanting to reconnect with your authentic self, soul and purpose to become the woman you want to be? You wanting to create aligned habits for more rest and less stress? To live intentionally and take control of your daily life? To connect to other women who are on growth journeys, and rediscover your inherent worthiness and value so you can step into your power? Are you wanting to get clarity on life's decisions and your direction? Are you wanting to partner with your mindset to achieve your goals and find the balance between your priorities and all of the competing roles you serve? If you're saying yes, then you're going to absolutely love our Success with Soul membership. This monthly membership includes monthly soul sessions with energy healers, spiritual guides, wellness gurus and other guest experts. Monthly mindset coaching calls cyclical living guidance, journaling prompts, and taro and other resources and tools for living a soulful, whole life. Head on over to Katekordsmeier.com/membership to join us today. That's Katekordsmeier.com/membership.
Does anybody want to come off mute and just talk about this? If this resonates with you at all, I really wanted to share it mostly to just show you that you're not alone. If you feel like everyone else is ahead of you. There's a handful of other people on here that also feel the same way. And so hopefully just even seeing that, like there's not truth to that feeling would would help. And some of the comparison. I'll share, go ahead.
Unknown Speaker 8:29
I mean, I don't I don't think that put that in my thing. But anyway, I don't feel that way now, but it definitely did when I first started. But I think it's just that realization of like, comparison, just, it's like futile, there's always going to be somebody that's ahead of you. And there's always gonna be somebody behind you. Where you could look at, oh, well, I'm not where Oprah is. But I mean, I'm ahead of whoever just kind of thought about starting a business, you know, hasn't done anything. So it's like, I don't know, just kind of reminding yourself that, you know, what's the point?
Kate Kordsmeier 9:03
Yeah, yeah, exactly. And like you said, no matter what stage you're at, there will always be somebody ahead and behind you. And the goal to like, be ahead. That's not you're gonna probably anybody's goal. It's like, I want to be the furthest along in the group. Right. And so, I think, yeah, coming back to, is this serving me? What is the purpose of this thought? And, you know, how do I act like, what do I do when I'm thinking the thought? Everyone else is ahead of me? Like, does it make you not speak up on calls or ask questions that you really need support on because you feel self conscious, you know, like, you're really only hurting yourself when you have those thoughts or like, does it make you want to give up and feel defeated? And the other question that I asked myself, if I get into comparison, itis is like, what's the lesson for me here? And so yeah, let's say five people in this group are ahead of you. Okay, what's the lesson here? Or what can you learn from them? Or let's say five people are behind you. And I think to Rachel's point, like, even when you're the one that's maybe further ahead, if you get into a mindset that's like, Oh, I'm so much further ahead than everybody, then there's nothing for you to learn either. And there's, in reality, there's so much to learn from people who are at earlier stages in you, there's so much that you can help other people with and that generally we really have found after doing the incubator for almost two years that having people at different levels is so much more effective for clients and having people at one specific level only. And that when you can open yourselves up to the learning that's available to you, you know, that that really can help help you feel better, and to help you get what you need.
I hope you've been inspired by this episode and feel ready to take action on your dreams and goals. If so, please hit subscribe. This makes it possible for me to continue to provide free helpful content and bring you amazing guests. Just go to iTunes or wherever you listen to podcasts and subscribe so that you know when we released a new episode, and you never miss a thing. Plus, we often put timely opportunities in our shows, so if you don't subscribe, you might miss something valuable
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
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We are an LGBTQIA-affirming, interfaith-oriented, diverse organization. We are committed to social and environmental justice, including civil rights, dismantling systems of oppression like the Patriarchy, White Supremacy and Diet Culture. We believe Black Lives Matter.
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